|
RUSSIAN ROULETTE
By Paul Gonzalez
It’s unfortunate, but here in south Florida it’s a bit inevitable to get from point A to point B without driving on I-95. Whether it’s Boca to Lauderdale or West Palm to Jupiter, if you want to get to where you’re going, it’s always faster to take the interstate.
As you prepare to enter I-95, if you were to close your eyes for a second, your daydream would go like this: you would get a pistol out of the glove box, put one round in the cylinder, slam it shut and cock the hammer back. Or if you’d like to think of a more docile daydream, you would hear Forest Gump saying, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get”. The whole point is that when you take the path of I-95 to your destination, you take your life in your hands. Now, one might say that you do this whenever you get into a car, which is true. However, I’m going to say that accidents and injuries might be a bit less severe if a car is going 40 mph instead of 80 mph.
To make the drive interesting, it’s always fun to guess what sort of debris will clutter the road, having cars swaying back and forth to avoid it. The “gators”, which are shredded semi-truck tires, are a constant threat, and avoiding them will surely test your car’s handling and suspension. Since people are constantly moving from apartment to apartment, it’s not uncommon to see a cushion or two bouncing around like a beach ball at a pool party. The most ridiculous item that I’ve personally witnessed was a king sized mattress lying like a lazy dog, right smack dab in the middle of I-95. I don’t know if the behemoth slug-like mattress caused an accident, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it had.
What would I-95 be without its beloved drivers? They come in all shapes and sizes as well as ages of all sort. As you look in your rear view mirror, you might see a souped up Honda Civic with its sixteen year old driver whizzing by with his hair on fire… a definite hazard to all of us. Or, on the flipside, moseying along going 50 mph in the carpool HOV lane, is Granny Smith… totally oblivious to the fact that car after car is passing her going mach two. Needless to say, this is equally as dangerous while on the highway. And finally, there is the multi-tasker. This type of driver could easily have four arms. One that is texting, one that is eating, one that is applying make-up and one that is actually steering the car. This driver might be the most dangerous of them all because they are concentrating on everything but what’s most important… driving the car.
The final hazard on the interstate isn’t one that can actually hurt you physically. However, they can certainly wreak havoc on your wallet. I’m speaking of the plain Jane looking Dodge Charger that lurks along the side of the road, waiting for someone to erroneously crack the speed limit. While boring in outside appearance, there is no mistake of its intentions as it lights up like a Christmas tree on the fourth of July. Once your lame excuse of a reason fails miserably, you now know that you’ll not only be paying a hefty fine, but you’ll also be wasting a good many hours in a boring driving class to minimize the points that could accrue on your license.
So while our Interstate 95 is apparently a statewide necessity, there are many ways that we can minimize the perils that wait. Thankfully, safe drivers certainly outweigh the reckless ones. Something else that might help is when you close your eyes to have that daydream before getting on I-95, remember to put blanks in that pistol. You’ll survive much longer!
|
